DIY Failure

Everyone who does DIY has had a failure at some time and I am no exception. I like to think that I learnt from it and improved, but I had better start at the beginning and explain how it came about. When I was teething I liked to chew all the time. My bipeds provided me with a variety of chewy things which I enjoyed, but I liked to check out other things as well. My scope was limited, as they never left any shoes or slippers, or anything else interesting for that matter, where I could get at them.

There was a pine bench in the kitchen and I had already improved it by rounding off the corners, but I had more ideas left to try. Every time one of the bipeds saw me working on it they handed me one of my chews and told me to chew that instead of the bench. It was getting quite frustrating – I just knew they’d like the improvements, if only I could complete them. Then my chance came – I was at home with the female biped and she told me to be good while she went shopping. I knew I had at least an hour – and that is a very long time for a puppy.

I got straight to work. There was a bar that ran underneath the part they sat on and joined the two big legs, but on the outside of the legs there was an odd wedge-shaped piece of wood at each end. I thought it would look much better without these wedges, so I set to work nibbling at one. It was quite difficult to get my teeth into it, but I persisted. Gradually it began to move and I managed to remove it. The end of the bench definitely looked better without it. I dropped what remained of it under the bench and I set to work on the other end. I removed this one far more quickly because I’d already had some practice. I was surprised at just how quickly I had become a DIY expert.

old woodworking tools

My teeth were as good as any woodworking tools!
Attribution: By Takkk (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons

I’d only just finished removing the second wedge when I heard the car. I put the second wedge under the bench and moved away and laid down with a chew, as I wanted the bench to be a nice surprise. The biped came in with the shopping, she stroked me and said, “What a good girl you are!”

She was pleased with me already and she hadn’t seen the surprise yet! She put the shopping away, talking to me while she did so. Then she went towards the bench and called me over for a fuss. I went over to her and she bent over to stroke me and sat down on the bench. Something really strange happened then, the bench swayed to one side and started to sink. She stood up quickly and looked puzzled. Then she saw the bits of chewed wood underneath the bench and sighed. She looked at the ends of the bench and said, “You have been busy!”

She picked up the pieces of the wedges and turned the bench over. She fiddled about at the ends for a while and gave up – what remained of the wedges was falling apart. When the male biped came home and he inspected the bench, he said, “Oh great! Has Clowie been doing some DIY again? I’ll see what I can do with it in the morning.”

The next morning he took the bench out to the shed and I could hear strange noises. A little while later he came back in with the bench and put it down. He said, “That’s the best I can do for now – it isn’t very pretty, but at least we can sit on it again.”

I had a look to see what he’d done. There were new wedges at the ends – they were even uglier than the ones I’d removed! It seems that the wedges were indeed a necessary part of the bench. Whoever could have guessed that?

Another strange thing happened a few months later – they threw the table and benches away and we had new ones. I’d finished teething and I hadn’t chewed anything I shouldn’t since the bench collapsed. They trusted me with new furniture!

I’ll have a tale for you next Wednesday, but I have some exciting news to tell you before then. I’ll tell you all about it as soon as I can – I have some things I need to do first! Don’t I sound mysterious?

42 thoughts on “DIY Failure

  1. The bench story is very funny and I am glad to hear they can now trust you with new furniture but I am more interested in what the exciting news could be…. how long will we have to wait… will the news be on the blog today… tomorrow… oh well I will just have to wait nicely like I always tell Stan to do.

    • I think it was a very big step for them to trust me! I think the news is more likely to be Friday than tomorrow. The biped has to finish something for me and it’s taking her a long time!

  2. Sounds like you are better at DIY than my male biped Clowie – he’s useless as it! At least you had an hours enjoyment at it – my male biped would be muttering under his breath, going red & getting himself all worked up!! 🙂

  3. Exciting news?? but i am SOOOOOOO bad at waiting for things please please please *uses treat obtaining eyes* when will we have this exciting news????

    Keep up the good work – you will have them fully trained in appreciating you soon!

  4. Can’t wait to hear the big news! And aren’t you sweet for being so helpful for your bipeds!

  5. the peeps just don’t get dog design! I am sure someday they will recall what a purrfect bench you made outta that ugly ole thing they had…and I’m hoping you have not totally given up on DIY work…cant wait to hear the “news” flash….?????

  6. Whee think it is funny. Hoomans just lack the artistic skill to see your talent. It is like that one time Bingo got at the window sill and . . .

    Never mind. Looking forward to your big news reveal 🙂

    Nibbles, Nutty, Bingo & Buddy

    • Thank you. That comment about Bingo sounds like the beginning of a story – I look forward to reading about it one day!

  7. We don’t understand why the bipeds don’t let you work on another project. So the bench collapsed…practice makes perfect.

    Bella and DiDi

  8. Clowie, we hope your bipeds appreciate your work ethic! Not all dogs would work so hard all day. We hope you have started on beautifying the new furniture too.

  9. I didn’t upgrade any furniture, but I was singularly responsible for the replacement of a mattress! woo woo!

  10. Wow that is really impressive. Mom doesn’t like the furniture redesigned either so we didn’t get quite that far. Buy in Lexie’s corner by the air conditioner there is a window frame and chair legs that look very ragged.

    • I’m sure Lexie knows nothing about how that happened! I’ve never tried a window frame, but I did try chewing a wall – it wasn’t nice at all, the plaster made me cough.

  11. Ooooh Clowie! How delightfully gnawti you can be!! Wolves have greater bite power than their K9 counterparts…though I suspect you could be an exception to that 😉 and we love a good hearty DIY session! The last biped house i was left in I developed a big crush on the state of the art music system they had on display…I spent hours working on some serious DIY on it and by the time the bipeds returned I had proudly transformed it into the most complex and intricate jigsaw puzzle…at least 5000 pieces! They were so pleased Clowie! They went bright red and shouted and screamed just like the teenage bipeds do when they see that biped boyband “One Direction!!” They could hardly contain themselves 😉 I thought the female biped was going to pass out such was her excitement! You see it all the time when the teenage bipeds meet “One Direction” so I just knew she was happy beyond words!Even the male biped looked ready to explode with the thrill of it all! you really must try it sometime Clowie, and let me know how pleased your bipeds are!!! 🙂

    • That sounds like an amazing jigsaw you created – hours and hours of fun for them. It’s no wonder they were so excited – it’s lovely when they show their appreciation. I don’t know how my bite power compares with that of a wolf, but it amazes the bipeds. I’ve often heard comments like, “how on earth did you manage that in such a short time?”

      • Oh it was!! And they were!! It was so rewarding to see them bursting with pleasure and appreciation like that…I made a promise to myself that next time I will surprise them with an even bigger and better DIY job, it warms the cockles of Wolfie heart to bring them such joy. Your bite power must be awesome Clowie, your bipeds wouldn’t make such pleasing comments if they weren’t thrilled to bits and filled with awe how quickly you can do the DIY 🙂

        • I think they’d be really impressed with your talents!

          • Me too! I can’t wait to get started on my next project!! You should start yours too 😉 Tomorrow is another Bank Holiday for us and traditionally B/Hol’s are the time when everyone really gets their teeth into the national hobby…DIY!!!! 🙂

  12. Helloooooo

    Whee have a Versatile Blogger Award shaped surprise waiting for you here –


  13. Look forward to hearing the exciting news 🙂

  14. Thanks for letting me camp out in your blog for a little while today. I had a great time and tried to leave my campsite as good as when I arrived. I’ll be back!

  15. […] always been a success! They said the bathroom was a mess when I’d finished and that the bench in the kitchen collapsed. They laughed even harder and started talking about the changes I made to the water […]

  16. […] said that’s because they kept them in the cupboard until I knew better and reminded me what I did to the table and benches in the kitchen – again my intentions were […]

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