The Bionic Quadruped

I mentioned last week that my male biped had a bad ankle. When he went into hospital to get it fixed, he came out after a couple of days with a blue solid lump (they called it a cast) on his leg and metal extensions for his arms (apparently they’re called crutches). He looked like he’d been assimilated by the Borg from Star Trek. They’d tried to turn him into a bionic quadruped, but it didn’t seem to me as though they’d done a very good job of fixing him at all. He was really quite clumsy and couldn’t stand on the bad leg at all – at least he could limp on it before he went into hospital! The arm extensions didn’t have big enough feet on them to be stable, he would have been better off bending over and using his hands on the ground, but isn’t that true of bipeds in general?

I discovered one of the reasons that bipeds walk on two legs, rather than four. He found it difficult to carry anything now he had the arm extensions and this was frustrating for him. He would sit, with the bad leg raised, with everything he needed in reach. I decided he needed more exercise, so I crept up and moved the remote-control just out of reach. I thought this would make him move. It was a good plan, but I’d failed to take into account the cunning of a male biped. He put on a sad face that I would have been proud of and the female biped promptly gave the remote-control back to him and sent me away.

I was only fifteen weeks old, so I still had sharp puppy teeth. I decided to put them to use by nipping the bare toes that were sticking out of the cast. I was hoping this would make him move, but although it made him jump, he stayed in his seat. As it turned out, this wasn’t my best plan ever – I was sent to the kitchen! I hated being banished, but I made use of the time to come up with some new tactics.

When they let me back in, they told me to lie down quietly. I did – for a while! Then I decided to go and inspect those bare toes. I sniffed them and then I licked them. This made him laugh and move his leg slightly. I was making progress! I hadn’t managed to make him get up, but any movement was an improvement. I moved and gave them another lick. This time I was told to go and lie down again and I did, because I didn’t want to be sent to the kitchen again!

I laid there for a while thinking about what I could do and then I had an idea. I wriggled across the floor without getting up then I reached my head up, still lying down, and I could reach his toes on the footstool. This time he laughed and gently pushed me with one of his metal arm extensions.

One day he came home without the cast on and he was wearing a shoe on the foot that had been in the cast. I was quite disappointed. I had spent six weeks, which was more than a quarter of my life, licking those toes! And I’d grown enough in that time to reach them easily without getting up. But I soon found new ways to tease him.

See you next Wednesday!

25 thoughts on “The Bionic Quadruped

  1. Some bipeds go to special shops to have their feet nibbled by fish, it’s supposed to be very relaxing – and they pay for the privilege – you Clowie were licking his feet for free & being pushed away – that’s gratitude for you! I’m sure you’ll get your own back again very soon though!! πŸ™‚

    • Do you think they would pay to have their feet nibbled and licked by me? It sounds like the perfect career opportunity!

  2. I think you may have come up with a new business venture there!

  3. Brilliant post. I have chewed the furniture, half eaten a doormat, done my business indoors, spilled things, broken things, woke my dad up at dawn and even bitten him a couple of times; but I have found that the one thing that makes him really mad is if I go anywhere near the remote control for the tv. Even my mom isn’t allowed to have it when he’s in the room. He covets it like Golem’s ring: preciousssssss

    • Thank you. They are very strange when they have that thing in their possession. They don’t want to move at all and they go into some sort of trance. It is definitely up to us to keep an eye on them and encourage activity when we can.

  4. You remind me of my dog, he wouldn’t let me put my socks in peace, nibble and lick, that’s what he does.

  5. Feet?! *dreams of biting*

    Did you have to mention feet?! I’m trying to give up biting now and it’s not easy with temptation in my path!

    Bingo Behave

    • I didn’t mean to get in the way of you turning over a new leaf! I thought you little ones liked nibbling things like vegetable stalks, not feet.

  6. We need pedicures. Can you come by? πŸ™‚
    Bella and DiDi

  7. Sounds like he needs to take those shoes off for you in the evenings, or maybe wear sandals. We like punky feet here!

  8. […] will remember that the Borg from Star Trek tried to assimilate my male biped and turned him into The Bionic Quadruped. I tried to make him take some exercise by moving the remote control out of reach and by licking […]

  9. Cyborgs and Star Trek, that’s so fun. Of course you know, I am a Trekky thru and thru. It was every so nice of you to keep daddies toes washed, it’s hard to bath with a cast, I know, I broke my arm once playing soccer. I think the remote game was amusing too πŸ™‚

  10. Stella the Great Newfenees here, via my scribe. My tail is still thumping. What a fun post! I love my two-leggers’ feet, too, but I use them as pillows…

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